


The Ultimate Sacrifice

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Canon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-04-28
Updated: 2005-04-28
Packaged: 2018-12-27 12:11:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12080811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: The day of the prom, the gang meets Angelica - a new part-time waitress at the diner. Or is she? Nothing is as it should be. Can she fix what was broken when Justin was attacked?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Brian surveyed the pandemonium of the early morning at the diner. For about the millionth time, he wondered why he came here morning after morning, knowing that was going to be busy and that the coffee would be crap. _I guess old habits die hard_ , he thought before finally deciding to light a fire under someone’s ass. “Deb! Coffee, please give me some coffee before I got out of my mind!”

“Hold your horses Brian, can’t you see I’m _busy_? It’s coming in a minute!” Debbie shot back. 

“Coming? It’s not even breathing hard!” he yelled. 

A few seconds later, a woman whom he’d never seen before was at his side, wearing an apron and wielding a coffee pot. “Sorry about that, Brian,” she said. 

Brian watched her pour the coffee and then realized she had called him by name. “Who the fuck are you?” he demanded. “And how the fuck do you know my name?”

“Brian!” admonished Justin. “This is Angelica, our new part-time waitress. Try and be a little nicer.”

“Fine,” he grumbled. “I’ll be nice as soon as she tells me how she knows who I am. She’s a woman, for Christ’s sake.”

A bemused expression replaced the slightly horrified one that had crossed Angelica’s face the first time he demanded to know who she was and how she knew him. “So, only men can know who you are?”

“At least only the gay ones.” 

“Um… Debbie’s talked about all of you so much, I just feel like I already know you. It’s nothing to get bent out of shape about,” she said, eyes cool. “Is that okay with you?” She bent down as she said that and accidentally knocked the cup of scalding coffee directly into Brian’s lap. 

“Jesus!” he yelped.

“Oh, goodness! I’m so sorry!” She leaned across Justin to grab some napkins from the dispenser on the edge of the table. As her hand brushed against his arm, Justin had the oddest sensation and jerked away in alarm. Angelica turned her eyes towards him in question, but before she could ask, she was interrupted with Brian’s yelling.

“Jesus, fuck! It burns! Hot, hot, hot. God damn it, you scalded me!”

“Brian, I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed, trying to hand him the napkins she’d gathered. He knocked her hand away and no one noticed the way her eyes turned sad. 

“Sorry! That helps a fucking lot! Besides having my… my crotch burned, now I have to go home and change before work, which is going to make me late! I just got these pants cleaned; now I’m going to have to again. You can believe I’ll be sending the bill for that to the diner!”

“Here,” she replied, in the softest voice. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a hundred dollar bill. “This should cover it, but if it doesn’t, just let me know and I’ll take care of the rest.”

“Angelica, no!” exclaimed Debbie, who had rushed over at Brian’s first yell. “The diner will cover it and that’s more than enough for the cost.”

“No, Debbie. This was my fault, I’ll pay for it. And Brian, if it does cost less than that, please keep the remainder as compensation for any lost wages suffered because you’re late, along with my sincerest apologies.”

“Whatever,” he grumbled. “I have to go.” With that, he stalked out of the diner.

“Angelica, I’m sorry about Brian,” said Justin. “He’s just a bit high strung at times.”

“It’s okay, Justin. He was right to be angry with me. I just hope that he wasn’t seriously hurt. Besides, at the moment, I’m more concerned with you. Are you all right? Your face has gotten a bit flush.”

“Huh? Oh, I’m fine. I just feel a bit warm all of the sudden.” The others turned to him in surprise, as the morning was still pleasantly cool but Angelica didn’t seem fazed at his response. She retrieved a pitcher of water from behind the diner, along with a large glass. After filling the glass with water, she handed it to Justin. “Drink this, it should help. You might want to get yourself a large bottle of water and keep it with you at school today.”

Justin accepted the water and dutifully began to drink it, taking large gulps. “Slow down,” Angelica admonished. “You don’t want to make yourself sick.”

He nodded in response and took a smaller sip before setting the glass down. “Thanks. That helped a lot, actually,” he said, turning one of his bright smiles on her. 

“Angelica, why don’t you sit down and take a five minute break?” said Debbie. “You seem a bit shaken up.”

“I’m fine, Debbie. Thank you for your concern, but I only have an hour left on my shift. I’ll be all right, really.”

“So baby, I’ll meet you at Debbie’s house at 3:30 to help you get ready, okay?” said Emmett, who had been uncharacteristically quiet all morning. 

“Okay, Em.”

“I’m so excited, you’re going to be the most beautiful person at the prom!” gushed Debbie. 

“Geez, Deb, calm down! It’s just a prom, it’s nothing to get all worked up about,” replied an embarrassed Justin.

“Oh, I know. I’m being silly. I can’t help it; you’re just getting so grown up!”

“Debbie’s right to be excited,” interjected Angelica. “The prom is a night of magic and promise. You’ll have a wonderful time.”

“That’s right, Angelica! You tell him. Don’t you still remember how wonderful your prom night was?” asked Debbie. 

“Actually, I didn’t have a prom. I was… home schooled. But you, Justin, are going to have a wonderful time. I promise,” she replied, then turned away to take care of a customer. 

The two waitresses quickly got back into their rhythm and Angelica’s shift was almost over when Debbie approached her again. “Honey, I don’t suppose you could stay and work until 3, could you?” she asked.

“I’m sorry, Debbie,” she answered, a look of sincere regret on her face. “Any other day, I promise I would. But today, I have a lot of things I have to get done and not a lot of time to do them.”

“That’s okay, I’ll call another waitress and see if they can come help. You go ahead and get out of here and I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay, Deb.” Angelica removed her apron and hung it neatly on the hook in the back room before gathering up her things and leaving. With a final wave at Debbie, she left the diner and pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket. After flagging down a cab, she gave the driver her destination and settled back for the ride. 

“Lady, we’re here,” yelled the cabbie. 

“Thank you so much,” she replied, handing him a twenty dollar bill. “Keep the change.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This was the best night of my whole life,” said Justin, turning adoring eyes towards Brian.

“Even if it was ridiculously romantic.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She had been meditating to clear her mind and channel her energies when a thought entered her mind. _It’s time_. 

“I know,” she replied. “I’m leaving now.” She began to draw her energy back inward before an icy chill touched her spine. “No!” she gasped, whirling around. She’d barely seen the face of her attacker before the chill intensified, knocking the breath out of her. “NO! Justin!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Justin!” he yelled, already out of the jeep and running towards his lover. But it was too far, Justin hadn’t heard the warning in time. Brian watched as the bat was raised and heard the sound of the bat cracking against bone. Still, he ran. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The fight had intensified and Angelica had quickly gained the upper hand. Suddenly, she hesitated and knew that she had failed. Her attacker took advantage of her distraction to hurl more energy at her and she fell to the ground, weakened by the cold and the sudden pain in her head. _Do not falter. Finish this, than save him_. The gentle voice that she’d known all her life sounded in her mind and she nodded in response. Drawing herself up, she threw everything that she had at her attacker and watched him die with no amount of satisfaction. Dizzy at the sudden drain from her last attack, she sank to her knees and thought of Justin before slipping into unconsciousness.


	2. The Ultimate Sacrifice

He watched the little girl playing hopscotch and felt a pang of regret. She had been through so much in her life and he was here to ask her to do even more. For three days, she had isolated herself from the others, reverting back to a time when she hadn’t known the pains of hatred, hunger, war or failure. He had given her this time, hoping that she would come back with her determination renewed. That plan had not worked and they were running out of time. The boy had been marked and that meant that ready or not, she had a duty. 

“Angelica?” he asked, crouching down so that he was level with the girl. “It’s time, sweetheart. You need to go back.”

“No!” she replied, stubbornly.

“Angelica,” he began. Suddenly, the woman that the girl was to become was beside him. 

“Gerald, please leave me alone,” she begged. “I’ve Seen and I know what’s to come. I failed in my duties and there is nothing left for me. Just let me stay here.”

“If you’ve truly Seen, than you know I can’t do that,” came his steady reply. “You may not have prevented him from being hurt, but he is marked and therefore still requires your protection. There is much pain and anger right now and it must be calmed. If you don’t go back now, he will die. Please, sweetheart. It’s time.”

She stood there silently, watching the girl play. After a moments’ pause, she sighed and turned back to him. “What if I can’t? What if I fail again?” she asked. 

“You won’t,” was his simple reply. “Angelica…”

“I know,” she interrupted. “I’m going.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For three days, he sat there, covered in Justin’s blood. For three days, he’d watched as people moved all around him, their voices nothing more than a distant hum. For three days, he’d wondered if his life was going to end right when it was truly beginning. 

“Brian?” he heard a voice ask, but was unable to acknowledge or identify it. Then, a hand on his shoulder and rushing warmth cascading through his body. The haze broke and he looked up to see a face, a face that he knew he should recognize but did not. 

“Brian, it’s me, Angelica. From the diner.”

“Ange… what are you doing here?” he mumbled. 

“I’m here to tell you that it will be all right. Justin will be all right.”

“You don’t know that! You don’t!”

“Brian…”

“NO! You all say that, but you don’t know. He could die, might already be dead. Don’t tell me it’s going to be all right.” She reached her arms out to him, but he backed away. “Just leave me alone!”

A single crystal tear coursed its way down her cheek and she slowly nodded. “You’re right,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry he was hurt. I’m sorry that I didn’t…” Whatever she was going to say was halted when he jerked his head to look at her. “I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone now,” she said. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She walked into his room and at the sight of him lying there, his head bandaged and his face devoid of color, she winced. It was a difference from the animated boy with the smiling eyes she’d seen at the diner only days before and her heart broke a little more.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, coming out from the shadows. 

“Where are you going?” she countered.

“I don’t know, I just suddenly felt like I was supposed to be somewhere.”

“No, not yet. Go back. It’s not yet time for that.” At her command, he slowly slunk back into the shadows. 

She walked over to the bed and sat down in the chair next to it. “Justin,” she said, placing a hand on his arm. “It’s time to wake up. Time to show the world those baby blues.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He’s awake?”

“Yes, Mrs. Taylor. He woke up a few minutes ago. His brain swelling miraculously went down and then he opened his eyes. He’s confused and disoriented, but he’s awake.”

“But, I thought you said…”

“Even doctors are wrong sometimes. Thank God for the wonderment of it and don’t think about the possibilities. There are more tests that we’ll need to run, but I truly believe that Justin is going to be all right.”

“Oh, God!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“… so, I would like you to leave. And never see him again.”

“I care about him.”

“It was because of you he was almost killed. Forgive me for being so blunt. I’ve tried to accept him for who he is. To accept your world and that he’s part of it. I’ve even tried to accept you, and as a result, I nearly lost him. And I don’t intend to lose him again. So, if you care about him, and I believe you … I believe you do, you’ll do what I ask and return my son to me.”

Angelica watched, unseen by the two parties she was intently observing. The look on Brian’s face, so filled with pain and despair, nearly destroyed her. Yet, try as she might, she couldn’t be angry with Jennifer Taylor. The woman loved her son and was simply terrified that something else might happen. Angelica understood that feeling all too well; she also understood the guilty torment that Brian felt. She wished she could tell them both, here and now, that no one was to blame except for her. She couldn’t, of course. Even if she could, they would never be able to understand or accept what she had to say. But she could comfort all of them and try to fix all that had been damaged that night. For her sake as much as theirs.


	3. The Ultimate Sacrifice

_Pain. Blinding light. White noise. Memories of things seen, things tasted, things heard, things felt, things smelled. All of it swirling together, floating around, intertwining into a mass where nothing’s tangible. Trying desperately to make the madness stop, trying to pull out a thread, **any** thread just to stave off the insanity. Feeling the cold seep into the essence of the being, that cold that made even the memory of warmth impossible. **Justin! No. It’s time. Finish this. JUSTIN!! What if I fail again? He could die, might already be dead.** Hearing the screams, the almost animal noise of desperate keening, wondering where it’s coming from. **Is that me?**_

With a gasp, Angelica jerked awake. Quickly assessing what was happening and what was yet to happen, she stumbled into the bathroom just in time to empty the contents of the physical form’s stomach into the toilet. When it was over, she simply laid there. Pressing her cheek against the cool tile of the bathroom floor, she prayed for just one moment of peace against the onslaught of memories of her failure. Knowing that the prayer was futile, she got up and went to the sink so she could wash her face. The reflection in the mirror caught her off guard, for a moment she literally didn’t realize she was looking at herself. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” she screamed, railing at the heavens themselves. “I CAN’T!!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Angelica, are you all right?” asked Debbie, the concern evident in her voice. 

“I’m fine, Debbie,” she answered in her characteristically quiet voice. “I just haven’t been sleeping well for a bit. It’s okay.”

It was obvious that Debbie wasn’t satisfied with this answer and was going to press her for details, but Angelica was saved from further query when Justin walked in the door. “Hey, Deb. Hey, Ang,” he called. 

Debbie went over to talk to Justin and Angelica breathed a sigh of relief for the distraction. She served a table whose order had come up and when she came back, she noticed that Justin had finished talking to Debbie and was now sitting at the counter. She flashed a small smile at him and went to go into the back room as her shift was over, but Justin’s voice stopped her. 

“Ang, do you have anything you need to do right now?” he asked. 

“I… um, I mean…,” she stammered before checking herself. “Sorry. No, I don’t have anything pressing. Did you need something?”

“I was wondering if we could go for a walk in the park. I need to talk to you.”

“Oh. Sure. Just give me five minutes,” she told him, feeling her stomach sink. Whatever it was that Justin needed to talk about, it couldn’t be good. At least, that’s what she surmised from the look on his face. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What’s up?” she asked as they made their way down Liberty.

“Look, I know that we don’t know each other very well,” he started. “But, you’ve always made me feel like I could talk to you about anything. It’s this aura of calm that you have; it’s rather comforting. I just need to talk to somebody and I hoped you wouldn’t mind.”

“Not at all, Justin,” she replied, momentarily startled at his choice of words regarding her aura of calm. 

“I can’t talk to Brian, he tells me to forget about it. I can’t talk to my mom, she just gets slightly hysterical whenever I bring it up. I just… I’m trying to process everything that happened. I want to talk but nobody wants to listen.”

“It’s understandable, Justin. I mean, what happened was a tragedy that affected everyone close to you as well as you. I’m sure your mom and Brian don’t mean to make it difficult for you to talk to them, but the pain is still too near for them. And of course you need to talk about it; you were the one this happened to. It’s a fucked up situation for everyone, a situation where no one is really happy.”

“Yeah,” he replied softy, than fell silent. Angelica sensed he needed some time to gather his thoughts and didn’t press him. “The thing is,” he finally said, “I don’t really remember much of anything. I have flashes of color, of movement, but nothing that’s really solid. There’s so much that I don’t really know, except that I’m scared. I’m so scared right now, of everything.” The last was said on a whisper, as if he was ashamed of what he was saying. 

She stopped walking and briefly touched his arm. “Justin, it’s perfectly natural. You’re filled with fear because you were attacked, sure. But you’re also filled with fear because you don’t remember what happened. All you have to go on about it is what other people have told you. When someone goes through what you’ve gone through and can’t even remember, the instinctive reaction is to be wary and cautious of the world around you. It will get better…” she trailed off, noticing that he was staring at her intently. “What’s wrong?”

“The weirdest thing just happened. When you touched me, I suddenly felt a little more at peace with everything. Peace, is that the right word? I don’t know, it’s the closest that I can think of. It was like suddenly, I didn’t feel as afraid.”

“It’s probably just because you finally feel safe talking about it,” she quickly replied, feeling more than a little flustered and making a mental note to keep her energy more in check around him in the future. This was the second time that Justin had shown sensitivity to her touch and while she knew he didn’t remember the first time, there was no guarantee that he wouldn’t eventually remember. If he did and put that occasion together with this one, it could open a can of worms that she wasn’t able to deal with. 

“Yeah, that makes sense,” he said after a moment. She breathed a mental sigh of relief and the two walked on, talking about anything and everything.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a week since that first walk and since then, the two had walked together every morning after Angelica’s shift. Relieved that someone was finally listening to him, Justin opened up about everything. He talked about the pain he’d felt at his father’s reaction upon learning of his homosexuality, the time he’d run away to New York, his confusion and pain about the attack and about Brian. Of everything they’d talked about, the subject of Brian was by far the most extensive. Though he tried to hide it, Justin was filled with a sea of confliction emotions when it came to his lover. To make matters even worse, Michael had apparently told Justin that the only reason he was living with Brian was because Brian felt guilty about the attack. The brief separation that had followed seemed to fill Justin’s heart and mind with even more confusion and doubt. 

Angelica listened to everything Justin had to say, offering advice and comfort when they were needed and remaining silent when they weren’t. Their talks gave her a clearer picture of both men and confirmed what she’d already sensed: both men had been forever changed by the actions of Chris Hobbs. For Justin, he’d been denied the opportunity to finish growing and maturing at a natural progression into adulthood. The night of the prom, he had started off as a normal teenager but had woken up as an adult who was fully aware that the world wasn’t good or innocent or even fair. For Brian, the damage was just as daunting. The night of the prom, he had finally started to accept that he loved Justin; however, the attack seemed to solidify some deep rooted belief that his love was somehow cursed. For both men, it was a reinforcement that could have been done without. To put it simply, the attack had left both men incredibly broken and Angelica often wondered if what had been torn asunder could be put right again. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She had been meditating in a seemingly hopeless attempt to channel her energies and sharpen her vision when the shrill ringing of her phone resounded through the apartment. “Shit,” she muttered. “Where is my… oh, there! Hello?” she answered on a breathless rush. 

“Ang?” 

“Justin, hey. What’s up?”

“Are you busy?”

“Nope. Did you want to go for another walk?”

“No, actually I wanted to see if you wanted to have dinner with me? Brian just called; he has to work late and I’ve already started cooking. It’d be a waste to eat alone, so I thought maybe you’d wanna have dinner with me. Unless you’re busy. Which I understand if you are, it’s totally last min…”

“Justin,” she cut off, laughing. “It’s okay. I haven’t eaten yet, I’m not busy and I’d love to have dinner with you. I need to take a quick shower and I’ll be over in about twenty minutes, okay?”

“Great! I’ll see you soon. Bye.”

“Bye.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin had just finished taking the chicken out of the oven and Angelica was finishing up setting the table when Brian walked in. 

“Hi,” said Justin. “I thought you were working late?”

“I thought so, too. We had a presentation scheduled for tomorrow, but the client called to reschedule,” he answered. “Hi, Angelica.”

“Hi, Brian. Um, since you’re here after all, I’ll just head home. Justin, see you tomorrow?”

“Why are you leaving?” Brian asked, a puzzled expression crossing his face. “I’m sure there’s more than enough and it seems silly to come here for dinner and leave before eating.”

“Oh. I just thought that the two of you might…”

“It’s okay, Ang,” cut in Justin. “Brian’s right, there’s plenty and I’d really like you to stay.”

“Okay,” she said. The thought of eating with the two men was a bit overwhelming as she was still a bit intimidated by Brian, but she shook it off realizing it would give her a good opportunity to check in with the two men together. If she was going to fix what was wrong with them, having dinner with them and watching them interact would give her a chance to gauge what she was up against. 

“Great! Let’s eat, I’m starving!” enthused Justin.

“There’s a shocker,” Brian remarked dryly. “You’re only starving 75% of the time.”

“Whatever, Brian,” said Justin, sticking his tongue out at him. 

Angelica just laughed and opened the bottle of wine she’d brought with her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, I wanted to thank you for dinner last night. I had a nice time,” said Angelica as she and Justin started off on their daily walk. 

“It was nice. Thanks for coming over and for bringing the wine. I just wanted to ask you a question, if you don’t mind?”

“Shoot.”

“Are you scared of Brian?”

“What?!”

“Well, I’ve noticed that you’re much quieter when he’s around and you were ready to leave last night after he came home.”

“Oh, that. You invited me over thinking that Brian would be late, so I just thought you might want to have a private dinner with him. That’s all.”

His only reply was arching a single eyebrow at her. 

“Okay, maybe I’m a little afraid of him,” she admitted. “I can’t help it! He has such a commanding presence and that can be a bit overwhelming, you know?”

“I know, believe me. I probably know better than anyone else,” he replied with a smile on his face. 

She tried to keep a straight face but couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled inside of her and it wasn’t long before Justin joined in. The two walked on, laughing and talking in the mid-morning sunshine.


	4. The Ultimate Sacrifice

“Justin, I’m so sorry that I missed your birthday,” she said as they started on their customary morning walk. She pulled a brightly wrapped package out of her pocket and handed it to him which he accepted with a surprised look on his face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just didn’t expect you to get me a present,” he admitted. “That’s sweet of you, but you know you didn’t have to.”

“I didn’t? Well, in that case…” she moved like she was going to snatch the package back, but he laughed and pushed her arm away. She had been expecting the movement and had done her best to draw her energy inward, but he still had a slightly puzzled look on his face. 

“You’re really warm,” he said as he started to rip the paper off. “Do you have a fever?”

“No, I’m just one of those strange people that have a naturally high body temperature.”

“Really? That seems… oh my goodness! Ang, this is beautiful!”

“You really like it?” she asked enthusiastically. 

The present was simple. She had wanted to buy him something elaborate, there was a new easel that he had been eyeing for some time now; however, too many questions would be asked about how a part-time waitress could afford such a thing. Instead, she had taken a sketch he had drawn one day in the diner and elaborated on it. It was a picture of Emmett, Ted, Michael, Brian and himself that he had done the morning of the attack. Back when a sketch was still a simple matter for him. He’d left it behind and she had held onto it for several months. For his birthday, she'd carefully colored and shaded the sketch, elaborating the painstaking detail that he had drawn. She then had the sketch framed in a simple but elegant iron frame. The gift was meant to have a dual meaning to it. She knew that there was a period when Justin had been lost when it came to his art, the difficulty he now had in drawing had been painful for him. The sketch was meant to remind him that no matter how badly the storm rages on, there are still moments of peace and sunshine that should be appreciated. 

The other meaning of the gift? Well, that was far more subtle. Angelica knew, from the walks they took almost every morning that Justin was feeling more and more uncertain when it came to his place in life. The sketch was meant to remind him that no matter what, he was a welcome member of a family of ragamuffins that loved and adored him. She sincerely hoped that he would look at the picture whenever he was feeling lost and remember that he was loved, even if those around him didn’t always tell him. 

“I love it,” he replied, finally shaking her from her thoughts. “It was an incredibly sweet gesture. I drew this, didn’t I?”

“Yep.” She felt a familiar twinge in her hand and glanced over, noticing he was having a difficult time putting the picture in his coat pocket. “You’ve been working your hand too hard, haven’t you?” She knew, but had the rare opportunity to actually see that his hand was curled up in pain. She snatched the picture, placed it in his pocket and then grabbed his hand between her own, intently massaging out the cramps. It was an effort for her, since she had to be careful that the massage was indeed only a massage.

The subject of Justin’s hand was still painful for her and a bitter point of contention between her and the Order. They had expressly denied her request to heal it, despite her impassioned pleas. Her reasoning was that he had suffered enough emotional trauma from the event, trauma that she couldn’t heal. But his hand was something that she could heal and she had begged to be allowed to do so. They had flatly denied her request, explaining that too much time had passed and any miraculous cure would raise far too many questions. She often wondered if their denial was meant to be a penance for her as they knew full well she still carried his essence. When he suffered from pain, she did as well. 

“I’ve just been busy with the comic.” He groaned as she massaged out a particularly painful cramp. Satisfied that she had done all she could this day, she squeezed his hand once more before letting it go. “Thanks, that’s a lot better. Hey, can I keep you around all the time? You could be my personal hand masseuse,” he joked.

“I wish I could Justin,” she said, sincerely but knowing he wouldn’t realize the depth of that statement. They walked in silence for a few more minutes. “So, how was the rest of your birthday?”

Justin made a face and averted his eyes from her gaze. 

“Justin?”

“It was okay, I guess. Linds and Mel took me to a violin recital put on by another student at my school. He was really talented. Kinda hot.”

“What did Brian do?” she pressed, sensing that he was in turmoil once again due to the actions of his lover. 

“He got me a hustler.”

“He… he did what?!”

“Yeah, I know,” came the embittered reply. “There I was, not expecting anything, knowing that I would have been happy with nothing more than a kiss and he got me a hustler. I’m sure in his own way he was trying to be thoughtful, but it really just struck home how little he really knows me.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t really know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. It’s all right. I’ll bet Ethan wouldn’t get a hustler for his boyfriend’s birthday present.”

“Ethan?”

“The violinist.”

“Ah.” They walked a minute more in silence before she realized what he’d just said. She drew her energy inward before placing a hand on his arm to make him stop and look at her. “Wait. What?”

“Nothing, just forget I said it,” he mumbled, staring at the ground.

“Nice try. You said it, and you said it for a reason. What’s going on?”

“I don’t know, Ang. I haven’t been feeling right about whatever this is between Brian and I for a long time and my birthday just seemed to be a manifestation of my doubts. I’m finally starting to realize that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, Brian’s never going to love me. I’m too young for this kind of intensity and I feel too old to be fighting these kinds of battles for just a little bit of affection.”

“Justin, first off, I can’t imagine what it must be like to live your life. To have gone through the things that you’ve gone through at such a young age. But there’s something really important that I want you to remember. Words are just words. They have as much or as little meaning as you choose to assign to them.”

“You’re saying that I’m putting too much importance on whether or not Brian says the words?” he asked, growing more frustrated. 

“No. I’m saying that… well, I’m saying that loving someone isn’t the same as knowing them.”

“Where did you hear that?” he asked, a startled look on his face. 

“I didn’t. It’s a universal truth. Why?”

“It just seems familiar. Go on.”

“Think of any person in your life that you’ve told or felt you loved. Do you really feel like you knew them? Take your dad for example. Whether you do now or not, there was a time when you felt he loved you, right?”

“Yeah.”

“How well would you say that he knew you, even when you could say he loved you?”

“I guess not that well,” he admitted. “He had no idea that I was gay and when he found out…”

“Exactly. He said that he loved you, but he didn’t really know you. And when circumstances forced him to know you as you really are, you questioned his love. Humans have a tendency to place infinite importance on words, when actions are so much more important. When we truly know someone and still love them, words should be unnecessary. It’s not what you say that matters, Justin. It’s what you do. I just want you to remember that.”

“I have no idea what you’re trying to say. You’re speaking in circles again. Have I mentioned how much I hate that?”

“Once or twice. You’ll understand what I’m saying when you’re ready to. Until then, just remember that words don’t define knowledge or emotion. They’re just words.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Angelica was furious. It had been a long time since she had felt this kind of anger, the depth of which actually frightened her. It was rare for her to wonder if she had been meant for the Others, but anger like this made her stop and question if she was on the path she was meant for. 

Her conversation with Justin that morning had upset her greatly. She strongly felt that information was being kept from her and that was something she simply would not tolerate anymore. 

“Gerald,” she called. “A word, please?”

A moment passed. “Gerald. NOW!”

With a flash, he was there with her. “What is it? Why are you angry?”

“What is going on? Who is Ethan? What forces are at work between Justin and Brian?”

“I don’t know.”

“Bullshit.”

“Angelica, dear. I fear you’ve been on this assignment for too long, you’re becoming as crude as they are.”

“Then call me home.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“I know that you tell me you can’t!” she cried. “I don’t know why and I don’t know why things are being kept from me. Gerald, tell me what’s going on or I’ll X and end this whole thing right now!”

He studied her for a moment. What he saw there truly frightened him. She was on the edge and she wasn’t bluffing about Xing. “Look, there is truly little that I know. I know that Ethan isn’t one of ours. Nor is he one of theirs.”

“So he’s an unknown variable? You expect me to believe that?”

“Believe what you will, I’m telling the truth.”

Instantly, he felt her anger leave. This would normally be a good sign, but the sadness that took its place was far worse.

“Gerald, what am I supposed to do? I failed, we know that. You sent me back to save his life and I did that. Why am I still here? What am I supposed to do and how am I supposed to do it? This is becoming too much for me. Do you realize that I still hurt when he hurts, feels when he feels?”

He shot her a dubious look. “I didn’t know that. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“The Order knows. I assumed they told you. I was also scared that I had made a mistake. At the transference, I thought that I might have misread the levels. But there have been other instances where he’s shown Sensitivity, instances where I know I was careful. I wondered if he was marked for Us, but it doesn’t make sense. If that were the case, a Guardian would have been sent. Not a Warrior. Gerald, I’m not trained for this, nor do I have the capacity. I think it’s time to send someone else.”

“We can’t do that. He trusts you and given everything he’s experienced, that trust wouldn’t come easy to another. You’re doing fine. I know you’re overwhelmed, but try to hold on a little longer while I try to find out more.”

“That’s it? That’s your great wisdom?”

“It’s all I have at the moment,” he admitted. 

“Fine. Go.”

“Angeli…”

“Don’t, Gerald,” she interrupted, holding up a hand. “Just go and find out what you can. I can’t fight if I don’t know what I’m fighting or what I’m fighting for. Get me the answers and help me with this.”

He nodded once and then was gone. She sighed deeply and then walked over to the windows to stare out at the early evening. Realizing that she was far too conflicted emotionally to get anything meaningful accomplished, she decided to work out her tension. With her options limited, she did what any in her position would do. She called on a storm.


End file.
